Joy or How I will not let COVID bring me down

Joy is defined as a feeling of great pleasure and happiness, to rejoice. I asked the students to draw or write about what brings them joy. I realized that I, too, should reflect on joy. What is it that brings me a feeling of great pleasure and happiness? A favorite quote of mine is, “My cup runneth over.” To me, this means that I am so blessed with so very many joys that my heart is overflowing.

First, my husband brings me great joy. He is a strong, intelligent man. He caught my attention over 30 years ago by making me laugh and he continues to do so on a near daily basis. He is also the father of two of my greatest joys, my children. I often tell my daughter that she is my favorite daughter and my son that he is my favorite son. It is true. I love them both equally, but differently and for different reasons. Erica will tell you that Rob is my favorite; Rob will tell you Erica is my favorite. I think it’s fair to say they are both right.

When I think about my parents, in-laws, Godparents and grandparents I realize how truly blessed I’ve been to have such amazing adults in my life to guide, love, protect and teach me. I carry a bit of each of them deep in my heart. My dad, my mom, my father-in-law, my brother, grandparents and Godfather watch over me and my family from heaven, I truly believe that. 

My siblings are another source of joy in my life. Don’t mistake me, we were not so joyful when we were growing up. How I wished to be an only child. Thank you, God, for never answering this prayer the way I wanted it. They are wonderful individuals who have shaped who I am and whose constant love and support are a blessing.

My cousins, Aunts, Uncles and everyone who HAS to love me (even if they don’t always like or agree with me) bring me joy. So many of my aunts and uncles are with my dad and mom in heaven. All I know is there is one heck of a card party going on! Cheese and pepperoni trays are being passed around!

Friends and colleagues are yet another source of joy. They love and accept me as I am, they give me self worth, they validate me as a professional and laugh with me when I am less than professional. We don't always agree. We sometimes say hurtful things, because we are hurting, but I trust every one of them will have my back, as I assure them I have theirs.

My students bring me untold volumes of joy. I am so honored to share in their lives and thankful to their parents for choosing Catholic Academy of West Buffalo to educate them.  I love teaching and I especially love sharing my faith through Religion class. I am in awe of the revelations of God in our lives and throughout history. I am humbled by the sacrifice of Jesus, God incarnate.  I find joy in the Eucharist and am thankful to Jesus for this gift.

I also find joy in technology. Technology has progressed so far and allowed me to find and communicate with people who meant so much to me in the past but with whom I lost track when life moved so quickly.

Simply put, life brings me joy. All the little moments, all the big moments, all the quiet moments all the loud moments. I am truly grateful for this gift of life. As I said, my cup runneth over.

SitCom Parents...or how Hollywood is diminishing parents and marriage

It's funny the things you consider while showering. I used to rail against Disney for it's portrayal of parents and family. Dumbo? No dad. Bambi? No dad. Ariel? Mom's dead. Jasmine? Mom's dead. Even Nemo didn't get to meet his mom...she's dies early in the movie. Then I began to think about how parents are portrayed on TV. It's a sad commentary that's for sure.

Let's consider today's popular shows. Modern Family is about, well, modern families. Apparently that means mom is a neurotic, dad is a naive imbecile and grandpa is a randy old man making babies into his 70's. He's dooming that child to growing into adulthood without his father.

One of my favorite shows is Big Bang Theory. However, let's consider the parents of the adult children in this show. Hollywood's portrayal of devout religious women makes them appear ignorant and unreasonable. Of course, she is a divorced woman. No dad here, move along. Then there's Leonard's parents. Both are successful, well educated human beings that cannot be in the same room without spewing hatred and obscenities at each other. Meanwhile, Leonard is marginalized by his mother. Instead of growing up to be a scientist it is a wonder he didn't grow up to be a sociopath. Howard's relationship with his mother takes dysfunction to a whole new level, bordering on incestuous. At the least it was a very controlling one; he should be an emotional cripple if this were real life. Penny's family portrays Midwest inhabitants as backward and uneducated. How sad, I have family in the Midwest and this portrayal couldn't be further from the truth. It will be interesting to see what kind of parents Bernadette and Howard portray.

What can I say about "Two Broke Girls?" One is the daughter of a fall from grace, jailed dad...not really sure whatever happened to mom; the other is the daughter of what can only be assumed as an absentee crack whore. Enough said.

Even one of my favorite dramas has very few intact families. NCIS has a man whose family was killed. His mother died of cancer when he was a young adult and his father was a blustery, angry store owner from some backwoods Pennsylvania town, thus again suggesting that if you're not in NYC or LA you're not anywhere. Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo has a con-artist dad and no mom...and most recently became dad to a little girl he did not know existed because Ziva didn't want him to know he was a father and upset the apple cart. Really? And while we're on the subject, Ziva's mother is dead, dad was head of Mussad and she killed her brother. Hmm...no problems here.

I defy you to list one television show (or movie for that matter) that show an intact family with two loving parents. Two parents that are IN LOVE and love their children. Moreover, a family that shows each other respect and dignity. Even "Roseanne" had two parents that loved each other. This family was full of warts, bumps and bruises; but at the end of the day Roseanne and Dan loved each other and tried hard to make things work and guide their children to good choices. Did it always work out? Nope. Were the kids more snarky and mouthy that they should have been? Yep. But they were an intact family. That being said, she was never too nice and caring toward her own mother.

I don't, for a minute, suggest that a traditional family should always be portrayed or are in some way superior. I have tremendous amount of respect for people struggling with single parenthood, but even single moms (and dads) are portrayed as bumbling fools (or alcoholics, or emotional wrecks, or stupid idiots with kids far more savvy than they are). It's a sad commentary because children growing up today are learning that their parents are foolish and inconsequential. We are not. We are loving, intelligent, strong, flawed, wonderful, committed, proud people. We come in all shapes and sizes; we all have different types of relationships. I am married to the same man with whom I had children. That does not make me better, but it sure makes me under represented. I believe anyone who takes on the job of raising a child to adulthood deserves better treatment by the Hollywood elite.

Cheaper to Keep 'Em

In light of recent events there has been a lot of posturing from people who feel the death penalty is in order for a man who killed three people in Colorado Springs. One person commented on a pro life post that he deserved the death penalty. Now let's take this one step at a time. First, irony much? Pro life site, demanding the death penalty? Yikes! Second, he has not been convicted of anything. Third, the reports of what happened have varied so much I'm not sure where the truth lies. Finally, I'm guessing he's not stable, there has to be some level of mental illness because healthy minded people don't use guns to shoot people. Period.

A common argument is that people don't want their tax money to be used to keep a murderer in prison for the rest of their lives. In other words, it's cheaper to kill them. Well, the statistics don't bear that out. HG.org reports that "some estimate that it costs U.S. taxpayers between $50 million and $90 million dollars more per year...to prosecute death penalty cases than life sentences." According to the Death Penalty Information Center "over two-thirds of the states and federal government have installed an exorbitantly expensive system of capital punishment which has been a failure by any measure of effectiveness."  California, for example, has spent an extra $90 million per year on capital punishment, diverting funds from other needed legal services like community policing, leaving many communities vulnerable.

As for acting as a deterrent Texas alone proves that the death penalty does NOT, in fact, deter people from committing murder. Texas has over 300 people on death row and spends an estimated $2.3 million per case and yet it's murder rate remains one of the highest in the country.

According to former Texas Attorney General Jim Mattox, "It currently costs three times as much -- more than $2 million per inmate -- to carry out the death sentence than to keep an inmate in prison for 40 years. In other word," he goes on to say, "It's cheaper to lock 'em up and throw away the key." Florida, additionally, spent between $25 million and $50 million more per year on capital cases than it would have to if all murderers received life without parole, this according to Columbia Law School study. The study goes on to say that "the Indiana Legislative Services Agency estimated that had the state sentenced its death row populations to life without parole, Indiana taxpayers would ahve been spared approximately $37.1 million. Are you starting to see? Consider that the average salary for a new police officer is about $42,000.00 per year, including benefits.  Divide $2 million by $42,000 and that translates to nearly 48 additional police officers. Police presence is a far better deterrent than the death penalty.

It is not cheaper to kill 'em. It seems a far worse punishment to wake up every morning inside a prison knowing that only death will bring you freedom and the taxpayers are not going to help set you free.

SHUT UP (...or won't somebody just feed me?)

Read an interesting article about a Portland Diner owner who yelled at a toddler because her parents refused to take care of the issue themselves. Yes, you are paying for your meal, but so are the 75 other patrons in the establishment. Here's the deal, the parents enter the establishment with what I would assume was a hungry toddler. They order three, yes THREE, pancakes for this hungry child. Breakfast is served! Oh the joy that child must have felt. Finally(I imagine the little lady thinking), mom and dad, I can have my breakfast. I have been such a good girl waiting for this delicacy. However, mother and father, I lack the skills required to spread butter, pour syrup and cut up the wonderful steamy delicious pancakes. Could you please...wait...what...hey, why are you shoving food in your mouth...WAIT...I'm hungry too...please mother, I'm so hungry....father...please...for the love of...OMG...THEY'RE NOT FEEDING ME! THEY'RE IGNORING ME! Up until now this method has worked for me, I shall say out loud "Mother feed me please"...in the only language I know. (Commence to whimpering)... That's not working, hmmm...I remember yesterday when I didn't get my lunch in a timely fashion crying worked, let's see how that goes (commence to crying). No, only the lady that brought our lunch came over, she's suggesting we take our food out. NO I WANT TO EAT! MOOOOOOMMMMMM FEED ME! (commence to wailing and disturbing those around me...usually gets a look or two from dear old dad) NO! WHAT? OH MY GOODNESS I'm pretty sure they mean for me to starve to death. (Suddenly a loud bang and a be quiet in a stern voice) WHO ME? HEY YELL AT THEM, THEY'RE THE ONES ACTING LIKE CHILDREN.  Ok, though, I'll quiet down...maybe now I'll get some...mmmm....pancakes, thanks mom and dad for making this a federal issue at least now I'm eating and my tummy isn't hurting anymore!

We've all been there. Honestly, I don't understand why parents feel the need to drag their children EVERYWHERE. I had two wonderful, beautiful, amazing toddlers. One of them (who shall remain nameless but was an only child for a while) was the kind of toddler who could sit for hours with a few pickles and a pack of crackers until food arrived. Then she (oops I gave away too much here) would quietly eat her meal and just be adorable throughout. We brought her everywhere, pretty much. Our other child was not as self controlled, for several reasons. He was (again, the secret identities have been revealed) a typical rambunctious little boy. He liked to wander about, he didn't like to sit still, he didn't enjoy SITTING and eating crackers, he felt the need to share with the world. He was very outgoing and social. Did I mention rambunctious? We chose carefully where we took him, making sure he went to kid friendly restaurants. One thing we NEVER tolerated was for either of our children to disrupt the dining experience of others, even if it was just a trip to BK or Mickey D's.

Darla, on behalf of the 75 others present I applaud you. I understand why you did it and if I were ever to find myself in your neck of the woods I would stop and patronize your business as often as possible while there. However, next time yell at the real toddlers, the two people who chose to ignore the needs of their daughter.

Stop Picking on Me (or how we've softened a whole generation of kids)

Oh, the times they are a changin'. Armour hot dog song circa 1967: "Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs what kind of kids eat Armour hot dogs? Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks. Tough kids, Sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox love hot dogs...Armour hot dogs, the dogs kids love to bite."

Can you imagine if this jingle were used now? Sales of Armour hot dogs would plummet, people would picket the corporate headquarters demanding an apology on behalf of their cherub children everywhere and then the vaccination folks (pro and con) would point out why it is good/bad for kids to have chicken pox. The hashtag would go something like this: #armourhotdogmean or #hotdogbullies. I can see it now, Trending on Facebook would say, Armour Hot Dog Belittles Children, Calls them Fat and Sissies! There would be a bunch of YouTube videos calling Armour out for fat shaming.

The politicians would be racing to introduce legislation making it illegal for corporations to stop any advertising that may cause any irreparable harm to the psyche of young children. Of course, Michele Obama would remind everyone that we shouldn't be serving the children hot dogs anyway, as they have little nutritional value and should be immediately stricken from the federal school lunch program (true as it may be...150 calories, 13g fat, 4g protien and a whopping 550g sodium), but still well within the parameters for the federal lunch program as it is now written. The news stations would post updates on facebook all afternoon with pictures of the federal government pulling computers and file boxes out of the corporate offices. They would ask, "Do you think Armour should be pulled from shelves?" baiting us to argue with each other.

The text in red is my little "in defense of the lowly hot dog" and is not germane to the rest of the article, but nevertheless necessary in my opinion, feel free to skip it...except the part about my friend Melanie's Blog, In Pursuit of Maine:
[Let me take a moment to clarify that hot dogs indeed get a bad rap. Everyone has seen the Facebook drivel that warns that hot dogs are made of lips, hooves, organs, etc. It's not true. According to the FDA website there are standards that all hot dog producers must adhere to, including what can be used in the making of said sausage. Frank Focus: What's Really in a Hot Dog by Allison Ford (thanks to my friend Melanie Lee, author of In Pursuit of Maine Blog, I have inserted actual links...she reminded me about the handy dandy link button...now click on her link, it's an awesome blog) explains that "the basic ingredients in the average supermarket hot dog are far less exciting that what some fearmongers would have you believe." Ms. Ford goes on to explain that the ingredients contain meat (of course, not filet mignon, but meat just the same), fillers like flour or cereal...although most hot dogs I've seen are gluten free so they aren't using wheat products; seasonings, spices, binding and curing agents.] 

We have become so politically correct, so sensitive to offending or being offended that we have become a country of victims. I will not minimize the victimization of whole groups of people, that is not my point. My point is, why are we so sensitive? Why is everything offensive? Why must we look to every thing as a personal attack? We need to lighten up. We need to learn to laugh at ourselves and WITH others. When you get down to it, we all wish for the same thing, that is to be "an Oscar Mayer Wiener, that is all I truly wish to be, 'cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener, then everyone would be in love with me." (Admit it, you sang that in your head when you read it!)

Why Bill, Why? (or how the justice system failed EVERYONE)

By now everyone has heard that Bill Cosby admitted to using Quaaludes  to drug a woman back in the 70's. He claimed, in his deposition, that she met him backstage, he gave her (does not indicate whether she requested it, or if he slipped it in her drink, etc) the drug and they had sex. First, let me state equivocally that is is NOT okay to have sex with someone who is unable to give clear consent. Let me also state that in the 70's 'ludes were very popular.

David Herzberg wrote an interesting article called "Quaalude Nostalgia: A Retro Drug That Everyone Remembers Fondly." In the article found at http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/02/quaalude-nostalgia-a-retro-drug-that-everyone-remembers-fondly/252285/ he explains first the history of methaqualone, the generic name of Quaalude, William H. Rorer Pharmaceutical's brand name. It was synthesized by Indian researchers in 1951 but was unprotected by patent which led to Japanese and European pharmaceutical companies grabbing it up. It was introduced to America in 1965. Adam K. Raymond writes, in his article found at http://www.thefix.com/content/where-are-they-now-drugs-edition7098 that 'ludes were prescribed as a sedative and to treat insomnia. They became prized recreational drugs once people found out they both lowered inhibition and increased physical sensitivity. Raymond notes that by the mid-70's around four million Quaalude prescriptions were written each year. He goes on to say that bars with names like "The Inferno" and "Fudge Factory" started popping up in New York so people could dance and pop 'ludes together.

The drug remained an ordinary prescription-only drug until 1972. So when the press notes that Cosby had seven prescriptions for Quaaludes it wasn't that fantastic, it was particularly popular with the celebrity crowd. However, when abuse had become quite evident medical journals and newspapers began reporting about an "epidemic" so Congress convened hearings and changed methaqualone to a Schedule II Controlled Substance by the end of 1973. The DEA also aggressively lowered domestic production quotas each year after.

Now, considering the history of the recreational use of 'ludes we can not assume that Cosby thought, first, there was anything wrong with sharing them, or that she did not willingly take them. Of course, again, let me state, that I am not blaming the victim. She was in no condition, under the influence of a sedative, to consent. My point is that the media is oversimplifying Cosby's "drugging" his victims. Which brings up another point, she is the only one, and not mentioned by name I might add, with whom he has admitted to giving drugs and having sex. Stay with me here because in about two more sentences I'm going to piss off the greater portion of the celebrity worshiping population. Finally, let me say, that one of the Internet "news" headlines was "The Jig is Up: Why the Media Were Right to Convict Bill Cosby." NO, Howard Kurtz of Foxnews.com (just saw the feed in Google news, don't regularly visit). NEVER is it okay for the Media to convict or even take an opinion on a news story. But that's a rattle for another day.

Okay, here's where I piss a bunch of people off. Ready? Bill, why didn't you just pay the ladies off and hide out in Switzerland for a while? That's what Michael Jackson did. He was accused by no less than 20 MINORS...20 young boys. It is said that he paid $200 million dollars to his victims to keep them quiet. And yet he is still worshiped by many, there are television specials devoted to him, his music still tops the charts, people still write beautiful posts about him on the anniversary of his death. Why? Because he had the foresight to pay off his victims in exchange for silence and then die young. Michael Jackson should be held to the same standard as Cosby. Okay, I know, you're thinking where are her websites of information backing up these claims? Here ya go:
http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/permalink/2015/04/06/michael-jackson-allegedly-paid-200-million-20-child-sex-abuse-victims
http://www.etonline.com/news/162324_michael_jackson_accused_of_paying_millions_hush_money_to_alleged_molestation_victims/
http://www.people.com/article/new-sexual-abuse-claims-against-michael-jackson
http://www.inquisitr.com/1944509/michael-jackson-molestation-accusations-timeline/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2716878/Australian-choreographer-alleges-molested-Michael-Jackson.html
http://nypost.com/2014/08/10/michael-jacksons-ex-maids-reveal-madness-at-neverland/
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/michael-jackson-ex-maid-sex-abuse-accuser-played-dress-up-king-pop-article-1.1796671

Michael Jackson's victims (okay, alleged) and Bills Cosby's victims (again, alleged) have been failed by the system as well as their families and the celebrities that abused them. They have also been failed by the media. Jackson's victims didn't stand a snowballs chance in hell after Jackson was deified in the media. Meanwhile Cosby was immediately vilified by the same hacks. Now it's Jared's turn. Hey Jared, you're screwed.

My Addiction (or why I can't go fifteen minutes without checking Facebook)

Hi, I'm Mary and I'm a Facebook-aholic. That's how I imagine a meeting of us Facebook addicts would begin. Of course it would be done in a group message on FB Messenger. We would all need to be able to see our wall while we're discussing how Facebook is negatively affecting our lives. Of course, in a moment of complete honesty I'd have to admit to my addiction to Criminal Case, Words with Friends, Trivia Crack and Candy Crush Saga (many imitators...none to equal the allure of matching a striped and wrapped candy...oh the explosion!).

One of the most recent additions to Facebook includes "trending," items that apparently are so popular you must look, FB is telling you that these items are what all the popular kids are into right now. So today, for example, seems everyone is very interested in Caitlyn Jenner's every move, particularly her attendance at a Broadway performance in...wait for it...New York. They specify New York, as if there is another Broadway where they have "performances." Anyway, approximately a quarter of a million people attend Broadway shows during any given week. I'm guessing Caitlyn Jenner wasn't the only person in attendance, nor was she the only celebrity in attendance. Nevertheless, we find it necessary to follow her every move. Why? I think the bigger question is why does FB want us to believe that this is a news item? Is it cool to follow the transgendered now? Why can't she just live a normal life? Seems this is what she is after since transitioning from Bruce Jenner, Olympic Champ to Caitlyn Jenner, no job listed...to live a normal, girl next door kind of life. Let her be, for goodness sake.

Next, in keeping with a theme of sorts is the story, of Aly Raisman, who, apparently, is another Olympian and, I'm guessing, a woman. This one, however, has bared all (literally) for ESPN's Magazine body issue. Well, it IS the BODY issue. Truth in advertising, I guess. Besides, she's only about half a yard of material less clad than most images on Facebook anyway. I mean, seriously, did you see Caitlyn Jenner's magazine cover photo plastered all over FB?

Lest we forget the quizzes to help us discover which Superbowl performer we are (honest to goodness this is the last one I saw on my wall just a few minutes ago, told you I was an addict) ...or what our dream job should be...or our 50's name in an alternate universe if we live to be 100 would be. Which Disney Princess are you? I don't know, my bigger concern is which Disney Princess is Caitlynn Jenner. Seems to be far more pressing than my inner princess.

Then there's all the hot button issues that serve to divide us. Here's a partial list: Gay marriage (yay or nay, both sides are equally obnoxious); Pro life (or anti abortion if you are against abortion but wish to personally turn the switch for the electric chair); Police (nothing in particular and yet everything at once -- talk about damned if you do and damned if you don't); $15.00 minimum wage for fast food workers (and the argument that EMT's, soldiers in the US Army and firefighters will make less); drug testing for people on welfare (although the aforementioned seem to have pushed this one to the back burner); gun control (most statistics about other countries that have extreme gun control are misleading, those "facts" need to be researched better before sharing, just saying); vaccinations (I'm begging you PLEASE do some research and don't rely on the one and only source that tells you that the vaccines are the cause of all that is wrong with this world, look at the SCIENCE) and the removal of the Confederate flag (pssst...southerners, it's over and you didn't "win"). All of these issues really do nothing more than distract us from what is really going on. As we ramp up for a presidential election it is going to get just plain ugly out there, too! I hear Caitlyn Jenner is thinking of running, once she gets used to the heels.

I am going to close this meeting with a quick prayer...Mark Zuckerberg grant me the ability to accept all truths as posted on Facebook, courage to voice my opinion about EVERYTHING and the wisdom to update my status often.

Now I've got to run, Cailtyn Jenner is going to have a live question and answer period in a few minutes.